Who's In YOUR Sister Circle?

Who's In YOUR Sister Circle?

I can’t stress enough the importance of surrounding yourself with women who have your back. I like to call them your sister circle.

Who are your people?

Let me be clear, I’m not talking about your biological family, although some of them may be included only if they positively feed your soul. I’m talking about your people. Those people YOU get to choose. Those who believe in you and make sure you know it. Those who smile when you walk into a room. Those who sense when you’re struggling and send you a text saying, “Young lady, it’s time we meet for lunch and have a looooong talk. I got you, sister. I got you.”

If you aren’t sure who’s in your sister circle, then it’s time you figure that out. Let’s start by asking yourself a few questions. Note: you cannot include your spouse and I’ll get to that later.

Your Guest List for the Party

  • If you were to get sick and need to be taken to the hospital, who could you count on to drive you there?
  • If you just received an answer to a long-standing prayer, who do you tell first, thanking them for praying for you?
  • If you need to laugh and get in a better mood, who do you call?
  • If you have a secret to confess, knowing it will be taken to the grave, who do you tell?
  • Who knows exactly what to say or what not to say when you’re having a meltdown?
  • If you’re having issues with a family member and need some objective advice, who do you call?

If you have answers to each of these questions, then may I introduce you to your sister circle. Some of these women may have more than one role, and that’s perfectly okay. They may not even know one another well. They don’t even have to live in the same town or state. A few women in my circle live in Santa Fe, and a few reside in other states. But they all have one thing in common: they all love me, and I love them. We uplift, forgive, cry, push back, and giggle until our sides hurt. We pray for one another, and when it’s needed, we may send a text that simply says, “I am here for you.”

There’s also one good reason I prefaced the quiz by saying your spouse cannot be the answer to any of the questions. He lacks a key feature that the rest of your circle possesses:

Two X chromosomes. He’s not a woman.

Although you may consider him your lover, soulmate and knight in shining armor, your guy is not a female who understands the varied emotions, worries, and health scares that are unique only to us. He’s never had a period or a night sweat. He’s never had breasts pressed into pancakes during a mammogram. He’s never stood by an exit door, hoping a Southern gentleman would open it with a smile. (I am soooo not ashamed to need that.)

It’s going to be hard for your husband to be objective, regardless of what you tell yourself. He lives under the same roof with you and sleeps by your side. He may worry about the repercussions of giving his opinion on a matter he knows could affect the most important relationship in his life. Don’t do that to him. Don’t do that to you.

It’s tough being a woman, and it’s not the same as being a man. It’s why you need a sister circle.

And not to lay down too many ground rules, but this circle should NOT include an adult daughter either. You’re her mother, and while it’s an absolute blessing to have an adult daughter as your friend, she doesn’t need the added responsibility of being in a circle of women who have issues she’s yet to experience. Although she may insist on her ability to be an objective listener, it’s subconsciously difficult. She is all too aware you’ve provided unconditional love her entire life, not to mention you were the sole person responsible in keeping her alive for nine months. Don’t put that kind of pressure on your sweet daughter.

Perhaps you’re thinking these two rules narrow down your list a bit. Perhaps up until now, you’ve told yourself you don’t really need a sister circle, as the world has definitely sent us the message we’re perfectly fine on our own. We can work from home, shop from home, and have groceries delivered to the front door. We can watch YouTube and learn how to give ourselves everything from a haircut to a pedicure. We can pay our bills and even get a college degree online. And sadly, we can have emotional and sexual relationships online and assume that it’s perfectly healthy.

My friend, that simply is not so.

The statistics prove it. While we have the ability to be more self-sustaining than ever before, depression, anxiety, and suicide rates have never been higher. Why? Because God designed us to be social beings. We need one another. We need hugs and real physical intimacy. We need to look into each other’s eyes and be able to say, “I love you.” We need other people.

You need sisters in your circle.

If you’re having trouble forming your circle, know that it’s perfectly normal. While some women have more free time to meet friends over a mutual hobby, some women prefer to keep to themselves. It’s easy to stay inside and read a book or come straight home from work and lock the door. Some women have been too busy raising children and grandchildren to worry about a circle of women. Life gets complicated. Understood.

But no more excuses. It’s time to get out of your comfort zone. Invite a friend to lunch and learn more about them. Text a new acquaintance and break the ice by sending a new recipe or funny joke. Join a gym and make a conscious effort to introduce yourself to another woman. Put yourself out there and take the risk.

Keep in mind that if you want real deal friends, you need to be the real deal friend in return. Your sister circle should feed your soul, and my friend, we all need to be fed. For if our soul starts to starve, the enemy will rush in and try to feed it garbage. He longs to keep you alone in the corner, gorging on harmful temptations. And just like that famous movie quote, “Nobody puts Baby in a corner!” (1)

Remember that.

Go put on your sparkly dress and celebrate! You’re about to form a gorgeous support system that will have your back, 24/7. It’s time to party with your sisters at the table of grace.

Brightest of Blessings,


Find more inspirations in my new book, Sugarcoated!

1 Dirty Dancing, directed by Emile Ardolino (1987; Vestron Pictures).



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